Summertime...

It’s that time of year again. The sun has peeked out from behind the clouds for precisely 3.5 seconds and the Great British public have decided its out with the Ugg boots and the oversized cardis and in with… well, a short trip down the high street suggests all manner of absurd summer wardrobe faux pas. Now, I know that we have been without summer for a good two years now and this sunshine has been a long time coming but that is no excuse for the monstrosities that we flabby, pale brits inflict on the world every time this time of year comes around.

1. Long swishy skirts are just as cool and look better on chunky thighs than nasty cargo shorts which kind of ride up in the middle, you know what I mean…
2. Spaghetti straps make broad shoulders look like a roasting joint in string.
3. Ballet pumps hide yellowing, hairy toes.
4. A large rimmed hat will hide your ugly face.

I’m just kidding about the last one. But seriously, if there’s any more talk of Manchester getting a city centre “beach”, I shudder to imagine the sights that we shall see plodding down the imported sand….